i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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