You made me cry and you don't even care
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
