ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
