Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
