My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
