wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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