I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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