Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
