I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
