Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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