Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
