I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
