I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We had sex on a dog bed..
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
