So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
