just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize