I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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