I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
