White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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