She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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