So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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