I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
