Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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