He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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