He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
