all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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