I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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