I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
