his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
