And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
