I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
