I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
