Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
