grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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