I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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