I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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