Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
