Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
