Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is it penis luge time yet?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
