Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
