the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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