Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
