Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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