imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
