There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
