**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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