Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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