I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
