Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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