hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
