My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
