We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We need to get me chipped asap
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
