I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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