so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
