i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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