I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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