onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize