We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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