3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
