I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She just used a chaser for red wine.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
