first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
