and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
