OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
