I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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