Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
