i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
