On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
