you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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