So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
