sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize