Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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