I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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