I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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