I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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