I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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