just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
