I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize